Not Exactly What I Had in Mind by Kate Brook

Author:Kate Brook [Brook, Kate]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2022-06-28T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

—

When she arrived back at the table, Alfie took a drinks order and disappeared in the direction of the bar. “Em,” said Daria urgently, sitting down, “did you mean what you said before? About Alfie?”

Emily looked over her shoulder to check he wasn’t within earshot, then leaned in close. “I hadn’t really thought it through. But kind of, yeah. Why, what do you think?”

“I’m not against it.”

Emily grinned. “No?”

“I mean, there’s a lot to discuss. And he might not want to do it.”

“Right. But in theory?”

“In theory, I think—yeah, it could work, couldn’t it?”

“I’ve got a good feeling about it. He’s so nice, you know? So decent.”

“And he’s a primary school teacher.”

“Oh yeah, of course he is! So he’s good with kids.”

“And if him and Hazel aren’t a thing—”

“He’s fair game.” They sniggered guiltily. “I’ve been thinking,” Emily went on. “I want to see if I can enjoy the donation sessions. I feel like it might help my chances. I don’t want it to be stressful. Stress is so damaging. It could be a vicious cycle, for all we know.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, say stress affects your body’s ability to conceive. Hear me out,” she said as Daria’s expression changed to one of incredulity. “It’s perfectly possible. Stress is really powerful. It can cause heart attacks, for Christ’s sake.”

“Yeah but, like, in combination with other things.”

“But hypothetically, say stress has a negative effect on your fertility,” Emily persisted. “And the more you try, the more stressed you get. The longer you go on trying, the less likely you are to conceive. You see?”

“I see.”

“So why not try and enjoy it? Pump it in, and then have sex? For example.”

“I see where you’re going with this.”

“We can never, never, never have fun at the clinic, Daria. It’s just not possible.”

“I agree.”

“And it’s so expensive.”

This was true. They would soon be due a difficult conversation about how much longer their savings would last.

“We shouldn’t ask Alfie just because he’d be cheap,” said Daria uncertainly.

“Of course not. It wouldn’t be the main reason. But it’d be another pressure off, wouldn’t it? If we didn’t have to worry about money?”

“Well, yeah. For sure.”

“If Alfie was our donor we could get an Airbnb, take the day off work. Make it into a sort of mini-break. Just . . . relax and enjoy it.”

“I mean, it depends on my teaching. I can’t just take a day off in term time.”

Emily sighed. “Details. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“I do. Yeah, why not? It certainly wouldn’t do any harm.”

“And that way we’ll get to have a donor we know, and the kid will get to know where it comes from, and Alfie will make a really sweet godfather, uncle, whatever—”

“Godfuncle.”

“Godfuncle! Yes!” Emily giggled, pink in the face, euphoric.

“Shh,” said Daria. “He’s coming back.”

Emily took a deep breath to calm herself. Alfie was moving slowly, holding three pints. Daria watched him approach and thought how strange it was, the way ideas slid into place sometimes, just like that, tongue into groove.

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